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    The Game Guy: Christmas Edition
    By Mark H. Walker My Semi-Grownup Christmas List

    Here it is, the day before Christís birthday. Prompted by Bonnie at Electric Playground Iíve put together a wish list. Look not for a rhyme or reason. As with many of my columns, this list concerns not only gaming, but the gaming life which playing video games is but a small part of. So, for what itís worth --which, judging by both Internet advertisement rates and my income, isnít much-- hereís my semi-grownup Christmas list.

    For Christmas Iíd like:

    • Websites and magazines to require their writers to use their real name instead of silly shit like ďZapper.Ē
    • Iíd like the following words and phrases to be stricken from the English language:
      • --except when Iím referring to my wife in a green dress.
      • Over the top --except when referring to World War I infantrymen.
      • Rocking --except when referring to Def Leppard or Three Doors Down.
      • 7/24 --absolutely no exceptions.
      • Happy Holidays --call it Christmas ĖIím not asking anyone to convert to Christianity. It is, however, a historical fact that Christ lived. This is when we acknowledge his birth. Deal with it.
      • Intuitive --except when referring to what my wife and I do in the privacy of our bedroom.
      • Robust --no exceptions.
      • Immersive --except when referring to screaming through Turn Nine at Willow Springs raceway in a T-342 Lola Formula Ford.
      • Kicks ass --except when referring to Alan Bass, my high schoolís resident bad ass.
      • Seamless --except when referring to eggs.
      • African American --no exceptions --Hey, I donít make anybody call me Euro-American.
    • America to not only win a military victory in the war on terrorism, but to truly address the fundamental injustices that spawn it.
    • To see more PR reps that know how to boot the games they represent.
    • A real playoff system in college football.
    • A great turn-based BattleTech computer game.
    • A Mission Critical follow on.
    • Editors to learn where the reply button resides in their email program. You donít have to want my pitches, but have the common decency to say no.
    • Professional athletes who whine placed in a ďrealĒ job for a month.
    • Rappers to lighten the hell up.
    • More women to wear mini-skirts.
    • To watch more sunsets, tell more jokes, learn more from my kids, shoot more baskets, play my stereo louder, be nicer to people, turn off my computer, spend more time drinking beer with friends, and make lots of good memories. Convenience stores to close at 11:00 PM, work to start at 9:00 AM, and for everyone to take daily siestas on a Caribbean beach. For the entire world to stop sweating the small stuff, slow down, and enjoy each other. Itís our only chance.
    • And last, but not least, for God to bless us one and all.

    Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanukkah to everyone.

    © Mark H. Walker, LLC 2001 Mark H. Walker is a veteran interactive entertainment journalist who has written over 40 books including his recently released Video Games Almanac and The Parentís Guide to PlayStation Games.
     



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