There's nothing I can't stand more than seeing a game I personally enjoyed getting trashed so much by the public. Mortyr falls into this position unfortunately. Yes, the game was hyped to all hell (mainly because the bastard couldn't find a publisher). And yes, the game is based on killing Nazi's, making it better. So what do you get when a game is announced that combines Nazi killing with some slick new graphics? Days and days of beating material for teenage boys… If you are waiting for me to say "just kidding," wait no longer, cause I ain't gonna, f00. A game like this makes people very, very excited. Too excited perhaps. I mean, I personally know many guys who trading the old porn for Diablo 2 screenies.

Every time I read "Mortyr is Wolfenstein 3D with new and improved graphics, yet the same old gameplay," I puke. Actually, I don't… I really just sit there looking at the screen angrily. But one day I might just see that bastard line and it'll all just come out of me. I've searched around the reviews, and what I've seen isn't the best. PC Gamer, for example, gave the game a 48%. Don't get me wrong, I love the magazine. It's just sometimes I get the feeling they are simply pulling random numbers out of their ass. Sure, the gameplay isn't as great as Half-Life. Sure, the graphics aren't as good as Quake 3's. Sure, sure, sure… You know what though? I don't give a flying f*ckaroo, because the game has something that many have seemed to be missing lately, FUN.

As mentioned, it seems every reviewer out there has come to the same conclusion about Mortyr's gameplay. I guess after the local orgy they all decided on this, I can't be quoted on that. I'm sure the orgy just ran overtime in the first place, and this is the reasoning for why they had to come to a conclusion so fast, not giving the bastards much time to even play the game. Let's get real people. If the gameplay were equivalent to Wolfenstein 3D, the game would have never been released. Yes, you DO find golden and silver keys. Who cares? You don't find too many, but even if you did, that's not the point. Other than this, the gameplay is pretty damn similar to almost every other first person shooter out there. And it isn't a burden at all in my opinion, and I see this same damn complaint in every review I see. Come on! Other than this, the controls resemble those of most any shooter out there. Walking around the beautiful Nazi environments, your job is quite simple. Terminate the Hitler praising Nazi's, and terminate them good. Yes, it is true; the gameplay isn't very deep. For the most part, you are simply killing the Nazi's while coming across a note or two written by the master himself, Albert Einstein. This isn't enough? Well, if I remember correctly Unreal didn't carry a whole lot more with it, yet it's single player was amazing! I'm getting off track though, because while I have seemed anti Anti-Mortyr, the game does have its faults. The AI is decent at best, but at times, it is downright worse than anything we've seen. A Nazi will duck, cover and roll at me; yet to my bewilderment, he will then get stuck in his stance and start spazzing like a crazy mother. It's a tough kill, knowing he's had a hard life in the past, not getting programmed right and all. Ya just gotta remember that he's still a Nazi. The crosshair itself is a piece of trash, and at times has almost tempted me to turn it off. And yes, there are no interactive players to interact with. I know, you're probably thinking to yourself, "what an awful game"… I would be too, but beyond all these little things, the game still manages to squeeze out some fun.

Graphically, Mortyr is damn right amazing for the most part. The environments are literally breathtaking, with a great level of detail and just the right colors. Thought the Unreal engine was capable of huge outdoor environments? Wait till you get a load of Mortyr. It is quite a feeling when you look up and see a statue 20 times your size. It's really quite difficult to explain, and one must play the game himself to fully realize what I am trying to say. The castles in the game are the best I've yet to see. They are huge, they are gorgeous, and when you get inside them, they're everything you thought they would be. Like the gameplay, though, there just isn't much to say. Other than some downright bad animation and a sometimes sluggish framerate, the game's graphics do truly compete with almost everything out there, but it seems most reviews tend to not even mention the graphics, because they gave up on the game when they found out they had to find keys.

The sound in the game is by no means bad, but to call it good would be an overstatement. It's simple, and that's that. I guess the whole damn game is quite simple now that I think of it, but what the hell. The sounds from the Nazi's aren't nearly as intimidating as Wolfenstein's, which is really quite sad when you think of it, but it's only a slight flaw. The gun sounds are all pretty good for the most part, having no personal complaints. And well, that's about that. Sound on a whole could be described as average.

Multiplayer is bad. (Not really much more to say here.) The weapons are simply horrendous for multi, and the levels are bad as well. I'm pretty confident in saying that when Mirage developed the engine, they did it for single player purposes only.

When it all ends, Morytr is a disappointment. But does the game deserve a 50%? God, no! The game has beautiful graphics, decent gameplay, and Nazi's. Does that sound like a 50% to you? Sure, the game's story is about as thin as the average wiener in freezing cold weather, but please. I think it is simply a case of hype. People got so hyped up they were expecting the apocalypse. Sorry folks, all we get was an average, yet fun first person shooter. Bottom line, if you're a sucker for first person shooters, pick this one up if you can find it at a fairly low price. With Soldier of Fortune and Daikatana on the brink of release, I would say wait for them, as both shall have some seriously wicked Multiplayer. If you need a game now, and constantly dream of killing Nazi's, pick this plump bastard up (that is, after seeking psychiatric help). Oh yes, I almost forgot… If any other reviewers are reading this, make sure to invite me to the next orgy! Hasta, signing off.

<< Rating: 73% >>