I wrote the beginning and the end to this editorial, before I wrote the middle, so I would like to end this with a post I made on planetcrap. I had intended to write something similar, but the words I used already did the job of what I needed to say:
"Though GameSurge, thanks to GFN, may be on it's last legs, I realized something just before this entire mess started. I was working on a side project. I did up the design, settled on what I actually wanted for content, got everything nice and pretty, and then, as the last thing, typed in the name of the site name, and added it to the logo. And then, I looked back, and realized that the logo wasn't what I was gonna call it, it was in actual fact the very first name of my very first website. I blinked, and then saw, like some magic force was behind this, I was loading the design into my very first server (tripod) instead of my actual game site, GameSurge.
I now have come to realize that I have been missing something, and it's my old site. GameSurge is a great site, the staff are great, we never make any money, but we all enjoy working together. There was a love for games at GS as well driving me, but it was a different kind of love. I now realize what the problem has been, it's not fun anymore. Even though my stamp is on every page, it's really not "my site", I share it with another webmaster, and with the staff as well. Even though I run the site as professionally as possible, my personality is not there.
I missed the days of my old website, shivaSite, where I could do whatever I wanted, talk about whatever I wanted, and just showed my love for games in my own particular way. I have never smiled as much since I closed the site to become "respectable", and I have never enjoyed as much the "little things" that all true small siters feel. Every minor accomplishment shivaSite made, was magnified greatly because I was a small site. Every news scoop over the big sites, every article I wrote, and the friendship of my loyal viewers (and they were few at that time) was more than enough to keep me going.
Even if GameSurge doesn't find a new host, I for one will not grieve to heavily, though the amount of hours I have put into it were numbering into the thousands. I have my old site back, and in the scheme of things, that is truly the important thing. I have got my love for games back. Many of you may lament the death, or the upcoming death, of all the large host sites like GFN, UGO and IGN. I do not. Though I may wish that someone will come along, and pay me a obscene amount of money to work for them, (I do have a family after all) I'm happy being a small site, and even happier with the knowledge that I am doing a game site for all the right reasons."
In some ways, I am better for this experience, and in others, I am not. A very valuable lesson has been learned, and it's a simple one. Always listen to yourself, and never put your trust into anyone but yourself. I also have come to the realization that neither the old shiva, from a year back, or the new shiva, exists anymore. I am now a totally different person, and have come out as a sum total of both persona's. Though this concept may be a little uncertain, to all involved, it will be very interesting to see what will happen in the future.
shiva
October 4th, 2000
Research and material used in this article have come from a variety of sources, most mentioned and linked, though individual names were removed. My apologies for not listing all the people involved.