Quick Access to An Angry Customer's Calmer Side

It happened 10 years ago. I was working as a manager at a computer store, and a very angry customer came to see me. He had his new computer system home only a few days when the printer jammed. It didn't matter to him that although he bought the hardware from us, the printer software came from a mail-order company.

He had a problem, and he wanted it fixed now. While the customer in front of me vented his wrath, I recalled just one week previous how a manufacturer's representative calmed me down quickly with an unusual method. He matched his voice and words to mine, and in no time I was discussing the problem with him rationally. I had been doing some reading about neuro-linguistic programming, a psychological theory, and I recognized that he was using a technique from that system.

I decided to try the technique with my customer. First, I gave my full attention to how the customer communicated. For just a moment I suspended my attention to what he was saying in favor of how he was saying it. I listened to his rate of speaking, the volume of his voice, and the key words he was using.

Next, I apologized for the problem without assigning blame for it, at the same rate and volume of the customer's speaking style. The key here, however, is to match the customer's emotions and intensity while maintaining focus on the situation. The goal is not to direct any negative feelings or expressions back at the customer. Rather, it is to side with the customer by reflecting, to a reasonable degree, his or her feelings and then directing those feelings at the problem--never at the customer.

This is the opposite of the classic advice that you should "always use a gentle, soothing voice when you apologize." Using a soothing voice isn't always the best approach to take. For example, if you show up at a restaurant with a party of friends and find out your dinner reservation wasn't recorded, will you feel better if you believe the host is pacifying you in a soothing voice, or agreeing with you about the problem in the same tone of voice? If your comment subtly matches how the customer is communicating (using speaking rate and volume), you'll do a better job of getting the person's attention. But limit the degree to which you mirror the customer's emotions to a reasonable level.

If a customer is enraged and screaming his or her head off, you obviously shouldn't respond in kind. Getting back to my angry computer customer, I asked a clarifying question. This lets your customer know you are paying attention to the content of the objection. You should state your question either in a more "normal" speaking rate and volume, or if you began by matching the wild, fast rant of the complaint, calmer than the way you spoke before. Next, I matched his key visual, auditory, or kinesthetic words.

For example, if a customer uses visually oriented phrases such as "You don't see what I mean," or "Can't you focus in on this?" you want to use similar phrases and words such as "I see your point." If a customer uses auditory phrases like "You aren't hearing what I'm saying," or "Does it sound right to you?" you should use auditory language to reply: "I hear your disappointment (or anger). How can we clear this up?" Or someone may say, "I feel you have hit an all-time low in service." In this case you would use phrases and words that communicate a kinesthetic (feeling or sensing) mode of communication--for example, "I appreciate what you're feeling."

By the time I was finished, the angry customer had calmed down considerably. In fact, after we solved his problem, he was so pleased that he ended up sending me six customers in the next 12 months. I was so happy with the results of this technique that I enrolled in a course of study and was certified in the principles of neuro-linguistic programming. I have used the technique many times since then, and I have been more and more successful with it. The key to this technique is to listen to people's voices for clues about how to reply to them in a way that gains their confidence.

Keep in mind, though, two crucial points. First, direct any negativity toward the situation, never toward the customer. And second, communicate in a calmer and more pleasant fashion as soon as the customer seems somewhat less agitated. You will find this strategy reduces your customer's stress and shows them that you are with them all the way.

©Copyright. Pat Weber is a speaker, trainer and author providing keynotes and workshops with ideas and insights to bolster customer relationships. Visit her website at http://prostrategies.com for discussions about sales and service.
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