Here you are in your slovenly Bedroom. You see a sandwich, so get it
and save it for later. Wander south to the Bathroom (another den of
iniquity), and get the plunger and toothbrush. Don't use either, but
resolve not to be such a slob in the future. Now go north, east, north
(don't make any noise in the hall, or you'll wake up the authority
figures), then north to your rotten Little Brother's Room. Use the
toothbrush, or you'll have to listen to rude comments about your
personal habits. TALK TO BROTHER. Then ASK BROTHER ABOUT PRESENT and
he'll tell you where it is. Hm. Wonder what it is? He's got it hidden in
the chest. GIVE MONEY TO BROTHER. What a sucker! He runs off to buy
candy. Now, quick! OPEN CHEST and GET GUN. It's just a squirt gun, but
it's still handy.
Return to Bedroom (south and west), and OPEN DRESSER. GET PAJAMAS and
USE them. So what's next? The bedroom is pretty drab in black and white
so go to SLEEP and...guess what, Dorothy? You're not in Kansas anymore!
Here, we'll go on a tour of interesting deaths so that you can see all
the graphics in the game. SAVE GAME here if you want the guided tour of
something gruesome. Or are you not that kind of person? Go south and see
how the Bathroom has changed. It's sporting a toilet with tonsils; if
you stay there a second too long, you'll die a horrible, repulsive
death. Restore your saved game, and go north back to the Bedroom.
Go east and you find yourself in a strange, cosmic territory where you
are drawn toward the Path By Your Door. Go east again to the Path By A
Gate, locked, of course. You LOOK AT KEYHOLE and find it strangely
familiar. This is a dream, isn't it? Nothing's too ridiculous;
therefore, it seems perfectly natural to USE TOOTHBRUSH. Pop, you're
through the Dream Zone and find yourself in a strange, new land.
Bemused, you go east to the Town Square where you see an imposing
building. If you get cold feet (after all, you DID forgot your slippers)
and try to go back west, you'll find a horrid demon: the source of all
your terrors! So, take a deep breath and resolve to go forward to meet
your fate. (If you did go west, return to the Town Square by going east
Let's look around a little. We'll go north to the Secular Church. Hm,
an odd concept! GET WAFER and just hang on to it. You never liked them
without grape juice, anyway. Now go south twice. Ah, this is more like
it: The Rigor Mortis Saloon. Feeling that you should have paid more
attention to Latin, you try to go south past Bonzo the Bouncer, but he
refuses to allow you to enter because you lack the proper I.D. Go west,
where you find a Crowd in the same predicament. No help there.
Go east twice and you're in a sleazy Alley behind the bar. There is an
individual here of questionable integrity who might sell you some fake
I.D. The fact that he appears to be an actual Fox doesn't put you off at
all. Looks like you're beginning to get the hang of this place. LOOK AT
FOX and TALK TO FOX. So far, so good. Now, try to BUY I.D. Some
criminal! He won't do a thing for you without Form 69B-12C.
Head west, north, and east into that imposing building: the dear old
D.O.I. (Department of Information). In the Foyer, ASK CLERK ABOUT FORM
69B-12C. He sends you on the first step of a bureaucratic maze to Room
N3L-D. Hang onto your temper and this walkthru. This is the most
laborious part of the game. Be sure to save a couple of times, or you
might have to repeat the process.
Go north. You find yourself standing before a confusing Lift with weird
controls. Go up twice, then north four times. Go west and you should be
in Room N3L-D. ASK OFFICER ABOUT FORM 69B-12C. He refers you to Room
N4R-E, where you should see Officer S3R-D.
Go east, then south four times to the Lift. Go up, north five times,
then east to Room N4R-E. ASK OFFICER ABOUT OFFICER S3R-D. (See, you're
getting quite good at doing exactly what you're told. Mom would be so
proud!) This turkey (or is he a pig?) refers you to Room N2L-D.
Okay. Go west, south five times, down twice, north four times, then
west, and presto! You're in Room N2L-D. ASK OFFICER ABOUT OFFICER S3R-D.
"Oh," you're told, "he's in Room S3R-D." Grrrrrr. (By the way, you can't
find him by going there directly...I tried.)
Go east, south four times, down, then south twice. Now you're at Lift
S1. Go up twice, south four times, then west, and at last! Room S3R-D.
The officer has a strange paperweight, so GET ROCK. ASK OFFICER ABOUT
FORM 69B-12C. (If you weren't already dreaming, I would say, "You'll see
that number in your dreams.") Well, HE says he'll need Form 43A-81G from
Room E4L-C. This is a great game to play at income tax time.
Go east, north four times, down twice, north, then east. Now you're at
Lift E1. Go up three times, east three times, then north. And now you're
in Room E4L-C, where you duly and whereas ASK OFFICER ABOUT FORM
43A-81G. Grit your teeth because this one wants TWO forms: 11X-16B from
E3R-D and 51M-970 from E2L-B. Just be grateful they're in the same
Put on your hiking boots (figuratively) and go south, west three times,
down, east four times, then south. (Imagine if you had to watch all
those screens load! Did you read the playing tips at the beginning of
this walkthru?) Now you're in Room E3R-D, where you ASK OFFICER FOR FORM
11X-16B. Argh! He wants form 17D-16B from S4R-E.
So, north, west four times, down, then east twice and north to Room
E2L-B. ASK OFFICER FOR FORM 51M-970. Guess what? He wants form 16D-970
from Room S2L-A.
Go south, west twice, down, west, and south to Lift S1. Then up, south,
and east to Room S2L-A. The indignity of it all! You ASK OFFICER FOR
FORM 16D-970. Well, what a pig! he responds that he won't give it to
you. "So shoot me," he says. You've gotten so good at doing what you're
told, so SHOOT OFFICER and GET FORM 16D-970.
Now go west, north, up twice, and south five times, then west to Room
S4R-E. ASK OFFICER FOR FORM 17D-16B. This guy is too hungry to help, so
GIVE SANDWICH TO OFFICER. You automatically get the form added to your
We're picking up a real head of steam here, so go east, north five
times, down three times, north, east, up, east twice, then north to Room
E2L-B. GIVE FORM 16D-970 TO OFFICER, and GET FORM 51M-970. Beautiful.
Still with me? South, west twice to the Lift, then up, east four times,
and south to Room E3R-D. GIVE FORM 17D-16B TO OFFICER and get form
Go north, then west four times. (Let's get this over with.) Now you're
in the Lift. Go up, east three times, then north to Room E4L-C. GIVE
FORM 11X-16B to the nice OFFICER. Do the same with FORM 51M-970. At long
last, you have Form 43A-81G.
This is the final leg of the journey! Go south, west four times, down
three times, west, south, up twice, south four times, and west
to...ta-dah! Room S3R-D. GIVE FORM 43A-81G to that stupid pig (OFFICER),
and prepare to be indignant, feel your serotonin levels rise, fall, or
explode because he flat out refuses to give you Form 69B-12C because he
has run out of receipts. It's right there on his desk in plain view
(though you can't see the icon). Go ahead! Do it! STEAL FORM 69B-12C.
The officer is terrified. He asks if you're going to shoot. Go ahead and
do it. As he expires, he tells you to collect the official form for
killing an officer. Follow those instructions, too. Go east, north four
times, up, south twice, and east. In Room S4L-B, ASK OFFICER FOR FORM
22Z-13I, which he actually gives you. West, north twice, down twice,
south, and west. GIVE FORM 22Z-13I TO OFFICER in Room S2R-A and get your
receipt. DROP it when you get out of the building.)
Return to the Foyer (east, north, down, and north), then EXIT (tricky,
tricky). Let's go get that drink!
The Bar is sounding better and better, so go south and east to the
Alley, where you GIVE FORM 69B-12C TO FOX, and he gives you a Missouri
driver's license issued in your name. Go west, then SHOW ID to BONZO,
who will recognize you from now on, so you can DROP ID and go south.
Here you are in the Bar. You've seen better and you've seen worse.
Somebody left a leather jacket behind. Though it doesn't go with your
outfit, GET JACKET. When you feel Nature's call, try to go west. The
waitress informs you the keys to the John are lost and that you will
need form 43E-61Q. (Don't panic: we're not about to go through all that
Feeling more desperate, you go north, then up On the House, where you
see what you would expect to see in this seamy world: a Rat -- the first
of several. This one's name is Nick -- a thief and a fence. BUY KEYS
FROM NICK. Great! Go down and south. Then TALK TO TWINS. They offer you
some gum, so ASK TWINS FOR GUM. But don't use it. Your inventory is now
a little full, so DROP TOOTHBRUSH, PLUNGER, and RECEIPT (if you've still
got it). If you want to look at the "signature" in the game, go south
and view the J.A.M Software Wall. Good. Now go back north.
USE KEYS, and go west to the Bar John. Perched in the grimy sink is
another Rat with sharp teeth, named, oddly enough, John. (Note the teeth
-- they'll be important later.) Up against a dead end in the game? Yeah,
well, just EXIT. Surprise, you're now in a clown's Dressing Room and
have a very interesting view. (Ahem.) Check out the legs, then go south
to the Bigtop. The Freak Show sounds enticing, so BUY TICKET (wonderful
how your money is holding out, isn't it?) and go east.
These are truly a couple of Freaks: a hairy, fat woman, and Grajunk the
Grajoinck, sort of an amphibian in sneakers. TALK TO GRAJUNK and
discover his ailment. GIVE GUM TO GRAJUNK. It makes him feel so good
that he hops into the icon line. It's great to have company, isn't it?
If you TALK TO HAIRY MOMMA, you'll find out her specialty, but you can't
do anything about it yet.
Go east and...wow! What a woman! The dude she's with is a little
strange. Everyone wants to give you this woman. She's willing, but what
would Mom say? You're tempted, but the image of the two of you together
doesn't go very well with your last year of High School. So go west
twice then south. TALK TO KIDS, and listen to them whine and argue.
Remind you of anyone? ASK ABOUT TOKENS. At this point, you can also go
east if you want to look at the closed Ferris Wheel. You'll never see
more of it. Go west then south, where the stupid kids are now chasing
each other in reverse. Go west to the Games! TALK TO LADY, PLAY GAMES,
STEAL TOKENS, and STEAL TEDDY. You're really losing it, aren't you? Oh,
well, it's only a dream.
The games get boring, so go east then south to the Air Terminal. Ah, a
way out of here! However, when you try to BUY TICKET, you learn a ticket
costs $100,000! Where could you get that kind of money? Onward. Go north
to the kids and GIVE TOKENS TO KIDS. In return, they give you their
sticky candy. Such a deal. But wait, go north to the Bigtop, then east
to the freak show, and GIVE CANDY TO HAIRY MOMMA. She gives you the
tonic. (You'll need it later, but if you like, save your game and use
it, then restore. It's strange.) Okay, west, and north three times to
the Bathroom, then east to the Bar where the Bartender is desperate for
hors d'oeuvres. GIVE WAFER TO BARTENDER. In gratitude, he gives you a
Go north then west to that silent Crowd. The pesky bunch won't let you
through. Take pity on the poor schlubs. Maybe they've been in the D.O.I.
too long. You speculate on the dangers of too much information. SAY
'FREE BEER' (Note: be sure to use single quotes instead of double, or
the game will not recognize the answer). They stampede to the Bar Door,
dragging you with them.
You go east in a daze and find that the fox is gone, and his place has
been taken by a nasty Loan Shark. Remembering that ticket, BUY LOAN. You
get a large tuna worth 100,000 big ones and a warning about paying it
back. Now go west twice, and you'll see something new. It's a Bridge to
the Orient. (Remember when you were little and what you thought would
happen if you dug a hole deep enough?)
Go west to the Palace Lawn and north to a Sword Smith. ASK SMITH ABOUT
SWORD, and whoa! It costs $100,000, too! The Smith is willing to barter,
though, so ASK SMITH ABOUT TRADE, and he'll tell you about his lovely
daughter imprisoned by the senile, old Emperor. The girl for the sword,
very B-movie. Okay. GIVE JACKET TO SMITH, and he'll return the favor by
giving you some rice.
Go south, west to the Colonnade, and try west again. The guards won't
let you in. It seems you have to defend the honor of the house first.
Puzzle this one out by going north twice to the Emperor's Rock Garden.
Go west twice and contemplate the beauties of nature -- in short, DIG
GARDEN. You'll find a beautiful vase in a nest of worms. Leave them for
now. Go west twice and south. Whoops! It's an enemy Ninja, and he's
buggy. So SAVE GAME (very important). Now SHOOT THIEF and die. No
problem. Restore your game (you did save it, right?)
Note: When you get the window that tells you that restoring the game
will result in the loss of the current game, be sure to click OK with
the mouse. (If you press return, you will be unable to solve this one.)
SHOOT THIEF again. Remember what happened to the Wicked Witch when
Dorothy threw water on her? Right!
Full of honor and somewhat damp, go south three times to Sushi, the rat
brother, who's thin and sad. GIVE RICE TO SUSHI (after all, what is
Sushi without rice?), and he tells you that any rat brother of his is a
friend of yours. You'll get a nice favor later. Go north four times,
east twice. GET VASE and GET WORMS, then east twice, and south twice. At
last you can go west to the Throne Room, where the wizened Imperial
Lordship Istostuborntoletupass XXVII (try saying THAT backwards!) and
the Grand Vizier await you. The Emperor won't talk to you until you BOW
Now you are allowed to TALK TO EMPEROR. He starts moaning about his pet
rock. GIVE ROCK TO EMPEROR, and he gives you the freedom of the house.
Go south, west, and north. The servants keep moving the walls around,
but two can play at that game. MOVE WALLS until you come to a Servant
gloating over his private collection of Ming vases. ASK SERVANT ABOUT
VASES, and he'll tell you where they used to be made. Remind you of
anything? GIVE VASE TO SERVANT, and he'll tell you that the Princess's
door is now open to you. It's all in knowing whose palms to grease.
Go south to the Rock Garden, then east three times, north twice, west,
south, north twice, then east to the Imperial Bed. (If by some chance
this doesn't work, it means you forgot to get the loan from the Loan
Shark.) Here she is, the girl of your dreams. Literally. GIVE TEDDY TO
PRINCESS and she joins you. A cheap date. Also, GET ROCK. There are a
lot of them around. Go north to avoid the Emperor, then south and east
to Daddy. He'll give you a sword and take the girl. Too bad.
Go back to the Bar and west into the John. Then EXIT and go south to
the Air Terminal, where you use the loan to buy the air ticket. You can
finally go south to the Airship, where the Captain joins your party. He
hints at a destination besides the usual one of Paradisia. Remembering
the view from the roof, you ASK CAPTAIN ABOUT CASTLE. To get there
you'll need the Pearl of Heavenly Divination. Sounds Oriental, doesn't
it? Maybe you missed something.
Go north many times to the John, east, north, and west twice, then
south. You're at a Dock With Enticing Water where fishing is allowed but
swimming is restricted to couples. Try to SWIM anyway. No dice. Use your
favorite swear word. Oh, go ahead and type it. Surprise! You got sent to
the Romper Room, where all bad kids get sent. There are a lot of clues
on the wall. (Before getting rid of the crowd, you can get out with SAY
'I'M SORRY'.) One of the clues concerns marriage. USE SOAP and you're
back looking at the crowd again. This time LOOK AT GIRL. She's the kind
Mom likes and she's willing, so GET ENGAGED TO GIRL. Then go north, up,
south, EXIT, and north twice.
You're standing in front of a strangely familiar preacher. You really
have no other ideas, so MARRY GIRL, and if it does anything for you,
KISS BRIDE. Now back to the Dock (south three times, west twice, and
south). It was a lot of trouble, but now you can SWIM and go Underwater.
Here you see the entrance to a Cave. ENTER and meet Jacque the Water
Rat, and his oyster collection. What can you find in oysters? Yeah.
Jacque wants to make a submarine, so GIVE KEG TO JACQUE and he gives you
a pearl...uh, globe. EXAMINE PEARL -- it's quite beautiful and useful.
Now EXIT, and go up. While you're there, USE WORM, and catch a big
$100,000 tuna. It appears to be the only kind they have here.
Go north, east twice, south, west, and EXIT. Go south to Airship, and
GIVE PEARL TO CAPTAIN. SAY 'READY.' Whoops, you can't go yet. It seems
debtors can't leave. And there is also a knotty rope tying you down (I'm
telling you now, so you don't have to go back twice). Go north six
times, and ASK JOHN ABOUT TASK. He joins you. Go east, north, east, and
GIVE TUNA TO SHARK. (Don't get another loan.)
Okay, back to the Airship. (Go west, south, west, EXIT, and south six
times). John gnaws the rope and runs away. Coward. SAY 'READY.' (If you
had married the wrong "beloved," she would've refused to go, and you'd
be stuck because divorce is not possible in the Dream Zone.)
You take off to Airship North View. (It's a good idea to save here.) Go
north and you're at the Castle Door with a pit yawning attractively in
front of you. (Note: For an interesting death, and to see your pajamas,
go north again.)
If you DON'T want to die, JUMP west, and you come face-to-face with a
most unappetizing drunk. TALK TO DRUNK, and get a sickening offer but a
good clue. This is just a dream, right? SHOOT DRUNK and GET WINE, but
for Heaven's sake, don't drink the stuff! Now JUMP east and JUMP south
back to the Castle Door. Wheeee!
Here's something strange, JUMPU. No, it's not a typo, just the only way
I could get the game to do it. You will be up in the Tower looking at
Rambone the Rat. The characters are certainly getting uglier. He's a
hairless Rat with a tattoo, a grudge, and a mean disposition. TALK TO
RAMBONE and learn his sad tale. Take pity on him (since you can't shoot
him without dying) and GIVE TONIC TO RAMBONE. Grajunk (remember him?) is
so happy that he jumps up and knocks a hole in the ceiling. Go up and
you're in the Key Tower staring at a beautiful, heavy gold key. You want
it, but you're afraid of booby traps. So TRADE ROCK WITH KEY. Your wife
does this maneuver for you, and now you have a key.
Go down twice, then south. SAY 'READY' and take off. Go north six
times, then east and GET PLUNGER, then north two times. You're getting
pretty tired. Go west and face that Demon. What could be worse after
what you've been through? THROW WINE AT DEMON, and it reduces him to
goo. It's harmful goo, though, so be careful!
Quick! USE KEY. That rotten Grajunk grabs it and swallows it with a
porcelain burp. Now what does that remind you of? Good! USE PLUNGER ON
GRAJUNK. He coughs it up. Repulsive. USE KEY. And, presto! You're back
in your room but feeling kind of guilty about your brother's present.
(It seems your wife is gone. Oh, well, it would have been hard to
explain her at the breakfast table.) Go east and north, and GIVE GUN TO
Now CLICK as suggested and see something interesting. CLICK again if
you want to play from the beginning.